How to Not Argue with your Teen

Teens do not like to argue. Does this statement surprise you? It might if you are currently parenting an adolescent. However, in my experience it is true. Arguing frustrates teens and frustrates parents. It is easy to get into arguments because teenagers are asserting their independence, but are not old enough yet to have full independence.

Here is some advice:

Say Nothing – Yes, sometimes it is that simple. Your teen may be in a bad mood, and pick a fight to unload it all on you. On the other hand, he or she may be really troubled with something.    

Respect – Model respectful conversations by not interrupting your teenager, and do not allow your teen to interrupt you while you are speaking.

Don’t take anything personal – Your teen may be upset about something, and focus instead on blaming you.

Use Eloquence – Realize that your teenager is struggling with expressing what’s really bothering them, and try to help them along by asking relevant questions. Confirm – Reiterate what you think they said in a tone that says “I care about you and what you think and feel, please help me understand you.”

Stay Focused – You may hear something you don’t like to hear. Consider that your teenager is an individual, and is forming their own ideas, values, and opinions. Allow your teen to have a different point of view than your own, and don’t try to ‘win’ as if it were a debate.

Be Patient – Your teen may want to tell you something, and it may take a while for them to actually tell you the whole story. If you start to ask too many questions too soon, they may get confused and start to argue.