Parent Coaching Part 1
by Sierra Sparks, MFT on 01/07/17Before I start this part of the blog please remeber one thing: you are a work in progress, so is your family and so is your child. Stop blaming yourself for your child's negative behaviors. Ask yourself: do you love and care for your child? Yes? Ok, good then you are 95% there....
When I get a call for child counseling my first step almost always is to meet with the parents. Not to blame or judge but to get a good idea of what is really going on. With children's behavioral issues I always look for what I call the underlying need. What need is the child attempting to have met by the negative behavior?
Today I am going to talk about attention. Children are often not yet skilled at knowing what they need or asking for what they want. Therefore, they attempt to manipulate their world through actions. Some children need more attention than others. However, they don't know how to ask for it. They begin to realize that when they engage in negative actions they get your attention. This can be a bad cycle... When I scream and yell then mom has all eyes on me and is very engaged and then after, dad has a long talk with me. This can actually be reinforcing the attention seeking behavior.
One tip for this is to give MORE attention to the behaviors you want to see increase and less attention (this doesn't mean don't consequence) to the behaviors you want to see less of.
If your child or your family is in need of counseling call me at Sierra Family Therapy 530-913-5054. I do in home counseling sessions as well.
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