Therapy Misconceptions in Couples Counseling

by Sierra Sparks, MFT on 04/09/12

In my line of work, I see all types of people.

My job as a therapist involves looking at each person, family or couple as an individual.

The people that I see often have misconceptions about what therapy really is...

Some people know that it is going to be hard work, while others... well, they want me to wave a magic wand and sadly, that was not part of my diploma.

Here are some common misconceptions about therapy:

1. All therapists are the same: Not true! Unlike certain clothing items that are "one size fits all," therapy is not! Picking the therapist that is right for you is very important, and no decision should be made in haste. One size does not fit all. With therapy you have to shop and research. Do you homework and interview (this is the most important because relationship has shown to be the most effective "change" predictor) . You will know when it’s right after you have done your part.

2. Asking your therapist to lie for you: Really …?  This is not only bad for your relationship, but it's not ethical. 

3. Expecting the therapist to take a side: Not gonna happen. No matter how much you feel like your side is right (even when it most likely it is) my job as a therapist is not to take sides. 

4. The therapist will make everything better: Negative!  YOU are the one who needs to put in the "hard" work to make changes. We can only help as a guide.

5. Expecting the therapist to keep a secret: Secrets keep relationships apart and if it is a big secret, then to expect your therapist to keep set that information aside and try to work on your relationship (when they know exactly what issue needs to change) is unrealistic. If you are doing something that requires you to have it a “secret,” then open your eyes and take a peek at just that! On that same note, ask the counselor about their no-secrets policy (therapists have one or the other). If you don’t want your partner to know something, don’t share it with your therapist.

6. Keeping important information from the therapist: If you don’t tell the therapist significant events, then the therapist doesn’t have the whole picture of the relationship. Don’t keep affairs, physical fights, or any other important events hidden. 

7. The fights have slowed down, so we can stop early: Just because the fights have stopped for now or “things are getting better,” doesn’t mean to stop counseling. Many people stop prematurely and then things go back to the old way. Just because the fights have stopped, doesn’t mean you have a long-term change. If you think you hit the goals in therapy, speak with your therapist and make sure all the work is done.

Your relionship and peace of mind is more important than money, ego or much else... Please don't take it lightly.