Marriage and Family Therapy Discussions

Originally posted: 04/09/2019

The concept of acceptance is central to my approach in therapy. So often, others share with me their difficulties with self image, self care, and look at me funny when I ask about Self Love. For some of you, Gentle Readers, perhaps these are foreign concepts. Life shows us, through its trials and tribulations, that so often We can be our own obstacle to contentment, happiness, and peace. Perhaps trauma has manifested in our childhood. Perhaps significant others or blood relatives have molded our self image for Us, and we've lost our sense of Self. For various reasons, we may have a surface level knowledge of what it means to really Love YourSELF.
I may have mentioned to you, Gentle Readers, my past as a therapy client in the many facets of individual, couples, and group work. During that time I never realized the courage it takes to just be the real YOU. No hesitations, no under exaggerations, just organically YOU. This lies at the heart of Self Love; its not a conceited, narcissistic view of the Self, but an acknowledgement and honoring of what makes you YOU. After all, we can't always depend on other humans to fulfill our needs for companionship, validation, and tender loving care. But we can always rely on ourSelves. 
Virginia Satir is an acclaimed family therapist, who was also a public speaker and writer that shared her beliefs about what makes people tick. She's been deceased for over thirty years, yet her work is central to my philosophy as a fellow human being. I need to share with you her most famous poem.

i am me

My Declaration of Self-esteem

In all the world,
there is no one else exactly like me -
everything that comes out of me is authentically mine, 
because I alone choose it - I own everything about me - my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, 
whether they be to others or to myself - 
I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears - 
I own all my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes. Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me - by so doing I can love me and be friendly with me in all my parts - 
I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, 
and other aspects that I do not know - 
but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, 
I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and for ways to find out more about me - 
However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, 
and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me - If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought and felt turned out to be unfitting, I can discard that which I feel is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded - 
I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. 
I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, 
and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me - 
I own me, and therefore I can engineer me - 
I am me &

I AM OKAY 

by Virginia Satir

Gentle Readers, you must know and believe truly that You are Enough. You have imperfections, problems, YOU GOT ISSUES, and you are a work in progress. Let that be Okay. Let it be enough that you are working to improve yourself, and becoming intentional in your life. Be Patient with yourself. 

Peace, Love and Tranquility
Steven
Sierra Therapy Center 

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Oh boy, have we been making some big moves. Near the end of 2018 Sierra Family Therapy, changed to Sierra Therapy Center. We didn’t change anything inside the company, we are all the same wonderful group of caring individuals, we just changed the name on the signs and paperwork. We also got a new website, www.sierratherapycenter.com, please go by the page and share it with everyone to help us get the word out.

Some other exciting big changes that happened at the end of 2018. We went from having two locations with 4 offices to having 3 locations, and 7 offices. We now have two locations in downtown Grass Valley, and one in the heart of Nevada City.  Along with the expansion came some extremely talented individuals that we got the pleasure of adding to our team.

Meet Simone Weit, Simone came to the field of Mental Health after leaving a prospective medical career to travel the world serving children and the elderly in developing countries, as well as yoga to girls in juvenile hall. Simone has worked with teens, children and their families all
throughout Nevada County! Simone likes to use mindfulness, trauma-informed yoga, expressive arts, play therapy, sand tray, collaborative problem solving, cognitive behavioral therapy and the work of Dan Seigel. Simone believes that healing is not a one-size-fits-all process! We are delighted to have Simone coming on as part of the team, welcome Simone!  Simone is working out of our new office location, 696 Whiting Street Grass Valley, CA 95945!

We also got the pleasure of adding Steven Cooper to our team. Steven has vast experience with working with culturally diverse populations, crisis and trauma. He has firsthand experience as a therapy patient, and can realize firsthand the vulnerability inherent in sharing one’s innermost pain, fears, and insecurities. “Of particular importance to me is awakening within you the two A’s. Acceptance and Anticipation. Through these two ‘ways of being’, I sense that one becomes more in touch with themselves and the world around them. After all, life will continue to being about struggle, loss and unexpected peril. We yearn to unearth the ability to cope through Life’s endeavors, come what may. It is so important to fortify the body, mind and soul because you go on, in spite of Life’s happenings. You are ever moving, even when you feel stagnant. You are dynamic.” Steven will also be joining Simone in our new office location at Whiting Street! Welcome Steven!

Along with all these changes we would like to reach out in the community and help out more. Sierra and her team in the process right now of building a self-help book store. This store will be run out of the Whiting Office. Sierra’s dream is to have a lending library, and to be able to help our community reach the self-help reading materials that their mind, body and soul desires!

Happy 2019 from us to you! Here’s to another year full of growth, dreams, achievements and goals! Thank you all for all your support!

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Gratitude seems to be the new hot word lately. I have to admit, I'm bought in.Yes, I do believe in the power of positive thoughts, affirmations and quantum attraction. Today, I decided to do some research on the science behind gratitude in relationships (being that I'm a relationship therapist) and came across a very interesting research study from the University of Georgia. The study revealed that a key ingredient to improving marriages is gratitude. Believing that your spouse deeply appreciates and values you directly influences how you feel about your relationship and your spouse in turn as well as your level of relational commitment. In fact, spousal expression of gratitude was the number one predictor of marriage quality. 

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I often get asked what my approach is to couples work. I always respond that I pull from many theories depending on the needs of my couple. One theory that I often use is EFT. Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT) is an approach to couples therapy that looks at the attachment bond between couples and instead of seeing the conflict as a problem, we look at conflict in terms of unmet need. For example, partner one complains that the other never has time for them and is always rushing about and partner b says that partner a does not really care about them and has no appreciation. Possible unmet needs in this scenario might be that partner a feels uncared for, unlovable and not good enough. Partner b may be feeling unseen, unappreciated and unloved. When I work with my couples I am looking for these unmet needs. I work to build a solid foundation of communication and then uncover these needs. Together, we heal these and work to see the challenge as a team. The challenge is healing one another's (each partner working to heal the others) unmet need.

Here is a resource for a great book, Hold Me Tight by Sue Johnson (founder of EFT) http://drsuejohnson.com/books/

Call for an appointment. We accept most insurances including Anthem Blue Cross and many Medi-Cal plans (530)913-5054

I wish you healing and health! Happy New Year 2018!

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