Marriage and Family Therapy Discussions
Family Therapy - Who does and When to Seek Help
by Sierra Sparks, MFT on 02/23/12Therapy isn't just about mother-father issues. And it's more than a give and take between therapist and client. In fact, good therapy, is a positive exchange that could lead to positive results.
A common misperception when couples and families come to therapy is that we're going to point the finger or blame someone. We're going to tell you this is all about your childhood, all about mom or dad and really that's not the case with good therapy
Good therapy, good counseling usually works by people coming in, getting new skills, learning how to solve a problem and then going back and tackling life again.
The biggest issues we usually see at Sierra Family Therapy in Grass Valley is depression, anxiety or some type of identity crisis.
One common issue is racism, patients seeking help dealing with stereotypes they've grown up with. And as far as who seeks out therapy, there are all kinds of people - couples who are looking to improve their relationships, teenagers trying to "find themselves" to individuals seeking to cope with trauma. Everyone can benefit from therapy.
The number of people needing help is large, and available therapists are few. If you're ever thinking about therapy, don't over analyze on your own, seek out help, whether it's professional help or from friends.
The price of seeking outside help isn't cheap. However, you can often check with your counselor, they may make payment arrangements (At Sierra Family Therapy, we offer a sliding scale fee). The average client sees us between six and eight times.
As for ways to seek help, check with your employer. Often times they have employer assistance programs--many of them free. There's also county mental health options and finally, check with your primary care doctor, they can refer you to a counselor in private practice.
How To Deal With Grief in Children
by Sierra Sparks, MFT on 02/20/12
Talking to children about death must be at their own development level. Children pay close attention to how the adults interpret and respond to tragedy. How they see adults act to a situation is how they will personally respond as well. Reactions include: shock, regression (acting younger), asking a lot of questions, and intense emotions. You can help your child cope by:
-let children tell their story and just listen
-don't assume that they understand death
-help them understand no matter what age
-don't lie to them about the event
-don't assume they will grieve in a particular way
-take care of yourself and let yourself grieve as well
-watch for symptoms of depression and anxiety and seek help if needed
Developmental phases in understanding death are:
The youngest children may perceive that adults are sad, but have no real understanding of the meaning or significance of death.
Preschoolers: Young children may deny death as a formal event and may see death as reversible. They may interpret death as a separation, not a permanent condition. Preschool and even early elementary children may link certain events and magical thinking with the causes of death. For instance, as a result of the World Trade Center disaster, some children may imagine that going into tall buildings may cause someone’s death.
Early Elementary School: Children at this age (approximately 5-9) start to comprehend the finality of death. They begin to understand that certain circumstances may result in death. They can see that, if large planes crash into buildings, people in the planes and buildings will be killed. In case of war images, young children may not be able to differentiate between what they see on television, and what might happen in their own neighborhood. However, they may over-generalize, particularly at ages 5-6—if jet planes don’t fly, then people don’t die. At this age, death is perceived as something that happens to others, not to oneself or one’s family.
Middle School: Children at this level have the cognitive understanding to comprehend death as a final event that results in the cessation of all bodily functions. They may not fully grasp the abstract concepts discussed by adults or on the TV news but are likely to be guided in their thinking by a concrete understanding of justice. They may experience a variety of feelings and emotions, and their expressions may include acting out or self-injurious behaviors as a means of coping with their anger, vengeance and despair.
High School: Most teens will fully grasp the meaning of death in circumstances such as an automobile accident, illness and even the World Trade Center or Pentagon disasters. They may seek out friends and family for comfort or they may withdraw to deal with their grief. Teens (as well as some younger children) with a history of depression, suicidal behavior and chemical dependency are at particular risk for prolonged and serious grief reactions and may need more careful attention from home and school during these difficult times.
Marriage Tips
by Sierra Sparks, MFT on 02/11/12
How do you keep your marriage alive and active? What a better time than Valentine's Day to work on making your relationships that much better. Here are a few tips:
Here are some starters:
• Flirt. The dictionary says to flirt is "to behave in a playful and alluring way." You don't need a sandy beach or a fancy restaurant to flirt. Just make sure you're flirting with the right person! Do you still "light up" when your marriage partner walks into the room? Do you still hold hands and say tender words of affection on a daily basis?
• Laugh — together and often. A longtime union provides an invaluable archive of inside jokes, the "you-had-to-be-there" kind no one else in the world would understand. It's hard to overestimate the value of mirth in giving us the ability to not only sustain, but to enjoy, our marriage.
• Make room for commonplace adventure. Hurrah for the grand journeys — that amazing tour of London, or the time Don and I sat side-by-side near the Sea of Galilee, tearfully rereading the words of Jesus in the place where he first spoke them
Above all, if you think your relationship needs help, dont wait until it is too late to make an appointment.